I have been thinking a lot lately. It seems like all I have time to do is think. Now....my life in the past...six months I'll say has done a 180. I never used to go out every weekend. I never used to drink like I do. I'm not going into drastic details. Not yet. It's just hard to watch all of my friends fall in love, get married, and have kids. I feel like the odd man out. Why is it so hard to find someone that's not either:
1. An internet buddy that I've know for...ever...and lives across the country.
2. Still a momma's boy.
3. A drunk.
4. An ass.
5. And of the above combinations and more.
Oh!! And I also forgot! Someone who just wants to use you for a night. Hell no. I'm getting older. Still young enough. But I want something real. Something that doesn't make me feel like shit. Or that I'm doing something wrong, all the while telling myself that it's the right thing, and I can't do better. Knowing damn well I can. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and redo half of the things that I've done....but would I still be the same? Who knows. It's just something to think about. I keep thinking maybe if I was prettier...or thinner...or different. But then, that's not good because if they can't see beyond the physical, are they worth it? Not in my book. I should take the time alone to think about what I want in the future. Not just the present. It's great to have someone to hang out with and have sex with occasionally, but it that worth hurting over? Probably not. Actually, I know it's not. Maybe being single for a while will do me some good. Taking it easy. Actually dating and not being in a relationship. Maybe I should try a convent. That would be interesting. And now...another list!
Things I Want In A Potential Boyfriend:
1. Someone who doesn't snore.
2. Someone polite.
3. Someone who can actually put up with me.
4. Someone who calls when they say they will.
5. Someone who won't make fun of my musical tastes.
6. Someone who actually has a life outside of video games.
7. Someone who doesn't mind tattoos/piercings.
8. Someone who won't change or act different way around different people.
9. Someone who won't laugh when I trip.
10. And many others.
It's almost 6. I need sleep....